Sunday, March 2, 2014

Spend Your Tax Refund on Ridiculous Beer Gear!

Finally a use for that cap collection!
Did you get your tax refund yet? I did! You know what that means! Spending spree on all kinds of crap I don't need! It's the 'Merican Way. Excessive spending of discretionary income is the stuff upon which our economy is built! But where can you spend your fleeting little windfall in the most wasteful way possible? Hey, I'm here to help!

If you're like me, (and why wouldn't you want to be?) you have several thousand used bottle caps stashed all over your house. I actually have three old milk bottles filled with caps. My wife often says, "What are you going to do with all those caps?" I don't know. Pave the driveway with them? Build a replica of the Eiffel Tower? The possibilities really are endless.

It's cold inside.
Gratefully, the Perpetual Kid website has a less crafty solution. The Design Your Own Bottle Cap Lamp! It holds 100 bottle caps, which will still leave me with 900 to deal with, but what're you gonna do? Only $29.99. I'm sure this will go over in my house about as well as the Old Man's Leg Lamp, but I'm ordering one anyway!

Also at Perpetual Kid, you'll find another little item just screaming for you to waste your money on: the Cold Beer Jumbo Magnet! Regularly $7.99, this amazing piece of indispensable fridge door decor is currently on sale for $5.00! You can't beat that with a beer bottle!  Come on, you know you want one, and you had to get at least five bucks back from Uncle Sam. Right?

Closely related to the Cold Beer Jumbo Magnet is the Refrigerator Upgrade Magnet. This baby is also on sale for $5.00. If you get both, you'll certainly have the most awesome fridge in the neighborhood.

Fisty McFisterson
Over at ThinkGeek, they've got some fairly unique beer-related items. For only $14.99, they can hook you up with the Hill Giant Fist of Drinking.

It's basically a can koozie in the shape of a gigantic fist! Can't you see yourself strolling around with your massive beer-swilling fist at the next family BBQ? You'll be the envy of all your drunk uncles! I'm definitely getting myself one of these!

ThinkGeek is also the website where you'll find the 8 GB USB Flash Drive Bottle Opener. Honestly, I can't really see how combining a bottle opener with a flash drive improves either of those two individual items. Nevertheless, for only $17.99, you can be the biggest beer-drinking geek among your set of beer-drinking geek friends.
Let's get shifty.

Finally, on Amazon, you'll find this amazing Beer Can Shift Knob. How cool is that? Way cool, that's how cool! The crushed beer can kinda-sorta reminds me of something... What is it? Hmmmm, I can't quite put my finger on it...

In any case, this shift knob will set you back $49.98 the last time I checked and was available with free Amazon Prime shipping, as long as you're a member of Amazon Prime. It's one of only 500 produced, so it is truly a piece of hot rod art. Too slick not to get!

St. Patrick's Day is coming up. Are you covered for the green garb? If not, I'll give you such a pinch! And trust me, I pinch HARD. You better make sure you've got something green to wear, or THERE WILL BE BLOOD, and what would be more appropriate than a Paddy's Irish Pub t-shirt, as seen in the popular TV program "Always Sunny in Philadelphia"? Well, lots of things, probably. Irish people don't really like the term "Paddy". It's kind of a racial slur, and by kind of, I mean is.

Anyway, this very green t-shirt is available at Amazon for about $20. The alway awesome Flipadelphia t-shirt is also available for about the same price.

Well, that's all I have for tonight. Hey, if you still don't know what to do with all of your tax refund cash, you can always send it to me. Just sayin'. I can blow the whole check for you in a matter of minutes!

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