Monday, October 26, 2015

Redd's Brewing Company - Redd's Wicked Mango

Something Wicked the Way Comes...
My thing is craft beer, but every once in a while, I wander down to the other end of the supermarket cold case, you know, just to see what the un-hopped masses are drinking. Sometimes, when I'm down there, I see a beverage that makes me do a double-take and shout out loud, "What the F asterisk asterisk K is that S asterisk asterisk T?" (Yes, I fully pronounce the words asterisk asterisk just like that, too.)

Yesterday, I ran across a can of Redd's Wicked Mango in the Fred Meyer cold case. It was standing there all by its lonesome, beckoning me to pick it up. "Refreshingly Hard Ale" the label proclaimed. "Refreshingly Hard" is certainly an interesting choice of descriptors. Let's just say that I was intrigued. $2.89 for the 24-ounce can. I plopped it into my cart and wheeled quickly past the craft beers with great shame.

Redd's Wicked Mango poured into my Mason jar a dark urine color with no head whatsoever. It was soda pop fizzy and smelled like soda pop. The label proclaims the stuff to be "ale" but that has to be on the very loosest of terms. It does smell like mango, I'll give them that.

Just terrible tasting stuff. Heinous. Horrible. Super sweet. Candy sweetness hiding a rasp of 8% alcohol.

I don't believe this brew was actually brewed. A better term would probably be concocted. Concocted in a lab. A lab inside a broken down RV. By Walter White and his little toady Jesse Pinkman. Seriously, this stuff isn't a beverage, it's an alcohol delivery system. The label proudly proclaims the 8% ALC/VOL in big, bold letters.

I do understand that there are people out there who are only interested in getting drunk. The taste and quality of their alcoholic beverages mean very little to them. Heck, folks in prison will brew booze in toilets just to get a buzz on. Me? I prefer to have my taste buds fully engaged in my imbibing activities.

I do wonder who buys this swill on a regular basis. The sugary, soda pop taste quite successfully conceals the wallop of high alcohol. A couple of cans would knock a novice drinker on his or her buttocks in no time. I can only imagine the hangover. Yikes. I'm also imagining a number of these strewn across the lawn of a successful hipster party. The sun glinting off the empties as it rises in the AM. Shudder. Watch your step!

This is a first. No crushed cans for you, Redd's Wicked Mango! A perfect zero score! Not even worthy of the Golden Turd. 

2 comments:

  1. Omg I got through half a can..go a good buzz but then I made the mistake of smelling the hole in the can and it smells like raw sewage! Does not even smell like fresh πŸ’©.
    WTF DID I JUST INGEST? πŸ˜¨πŸ’©SMELLS LIKE AN πŸ‘½ TOOK A πŸ’© IN THE CAN...RAW SEWAGE GUNK OF A SMELL...idunno if I can make it through the rest of the can..LOLπŸ˜΅πŸ˜ΉπŸ˜³πŸ€•πŸ€’πŸ˜·πŸ˜²πŸ€‘πŸ˜•πŸ˜–πŸ˜žπŸ˜¦πŸ˜§πŸ˜¨πŸ˜±πŸ˜°πŸ˜¬πŸ˜­πŸ˜ŸπŸ˜²JESUS MARY πŸ˜₯😫😚😫😱😰😭😬 AND JOSEPH😬

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  2. Ok I have identified the smell of this beverage...wicked mango ..ew it smells like a dirty baby's diaper..I just had a petite mal seizure after catching another whiff.. I'm not kidding

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