Monday, April 1, 2013

Guest Beer Blogger - Schuyler Linderman

Hello, fellow craft beer lovers! I'm taking a little vacation, but I wanted to make sure my blog stayed updated for the three or four loyal readers who regularly visit. I was thinking about writing a bunch of beer reviews in one sitting this weekend and having someone publish them for me each day, but you know how that goes. I bought some beers...then I drank some beers. The next thing I knew, it was late Sunday night and I hadn't written a damn thing. Thus, I've enlisted my nephew, Schuyler Linderman, to fill in for me during my absence. Schuyler is my younger brother's kid. He works at some coffee joint in the Pearl and plays guitar and washboard in a band. He assures me that he knows his way around a pint glass, so without any further ado, here's SCHUYLER! Cheers,
~Wolf Linderman

Even better with a straw!
Yo, bros! Happy to make your hello! My name is Schuyler, and like my Uncle Wolf, I am a connoisseur of fine alcoholic beverages! I'm a student at PCC, and I'm currently very much into Retro-Urban Contra Dance and Moroccan-inspired Bluegrass. I think I have an awesome brew to review for you tonight! My GF Moonshadow dropped by with a few cans of this tasty, tasty stuff earlier tonight, and I'm totally loving it! Moonshadow is good friends with the daughter of the liquor manager at Fred Meyer, and she says this one is very popular.

The drink is called Bud Light Lime Lime-A-Rita, and it is simply sublime. Get it? Sub-lime? (My best bud Che turned me on to this old-time band called Sublime, which is a total change-up of subjects, I know, but I think they're amazing, in a retro kind of way, which is funny because I'm currently reading Crowther's The Existential Sublime: Critical Aesthetics and Post-Modernism. Deep stuff--you probably wouldn't get it the first read through.)

In any case, the thing I really like about Lime-A-Rita is that you serve it on ice. I actually prefer all of my beer on ice. Is there anything more refreshing than a tasty PBR or Hamms poured over ice? I think not! Sorry, back to the review:

Lime-A-Rita poured into my pint glass (over ice) a sparkling, super-fizzy, cloudy, pale, yellowish-gray color.
It's sub-lime.
It was so bubbly, it over-flowed all over my Uncle's TV stand. I'm afraid some of it may have gotten inside the plasma TV. Oops. That's okay. TV is mind-controlling, corporate garbage anyway.

Smell was really sweet and limey. Hints of sugar and citrus in the background. The bubbles tickled my nose!

Taste followed the nose: all lime and sugary goodness. This brew totally reminds me of Minute Maid Lime-Aid. It doesn't get any better than that! Of course, it would probably be better if they made it with pure cane sugar or agave nectar, but the corn syrup is nothing that a good, long, fasting cleanse or green tea colonic couldn't take care of. Am I right? Right?

Although it's totally sweet and delicious, Lime-A-Rita has an alcohol content of 8.0%! It only takes one can of this stuff to get a lightweight like Moonshadow buzzed! Luckily for me, I can handle my liquor. After two cans, I'm still able to lay down some awesome chops on my vintage reproduction Les Paul. 

The best thing about Lime-A-Rita is that it doesn't taste anything like beer! My Uncle Wolf is always trying to get me to try those beers flavored with hops. Ugh! Hops! Most of those "IPA's" and "ESB's" taste like medicine. Lime-A-Rita tastes like a delicious, sweet margarita.

I'm going to bring a cooler full of Lime-A-Rita to the house show my band is playing tomorrow night. That's going to be a blast! Lots of great bands will be there that I'm sure you've never heard of but they're on the cutting edge of the music scene around here.

I'm giving Bud Light Lime Lime-A-Rita a BeerGuyPDX rating of 4 crushed cans out of 4! Rock on!


Well, that's all for now, and if you haven't figured it out yet: 

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!

Uncle Wolf will be back tomorrow with a real beer review or two.

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